It’s interesting to me how completely over someone we’re capable of being. When the biggest part of your llife isn’t a part of your life anymore. I know this occurs to everyone in their lifetimes, but when you think about.. I mean really think about it, and look back.. it’s almost surreal. I never imagined I would go months without speaking to certain someones, but I’ve done it, and it’s not nearly as difficult as some say.
But for some reason unbeknownst to me, now I can’t use the same wall I’ve used previously on the one person that’s been lingering on my mind. Why’s your brain nearly crash when you lay down and think of all the possibilities of what could be and what could not, and you begin to think the latter isn’t even possible. I over analyze the slightest, most insignificant gestures and find myself falling back on a “possibly, maybe” false reality where I’m hoping for the outcome to unravel in my favor and make me stop scratching this itch in my head.
I hate when my words get jumbled like this and I still can’t grasp the concept of why my stomach gets this churning feeling in it. I don’t know, I wish I didn’t have the brain I have. I try and stay content and then I get into these weird moods over various whatnots and I just seem to get pulled further into a negatively composed state of being where I’m raveled in false hopes and unrealistic desires that I’m still stalling on depleting. Which sounds really pathetic, but it’s just one of those realizations that you repress due to your own self-held denial of your expectations not coming to a common ground with reality.
It gets to me.
It really gets to me.
Usually when I do this I feel atleast somewhat better or accomplished afterwards. But this time.. I feel nothing.
I’m still puzzled that some people’s interpretations of themselves are so inaccurate. It seems that the more I’m around new people, the more I’m reminded that it’s rare that people view themselves with realistic eyes. I believe it’s because of this reason that we often fail to get along with one another and meet on a common ground. If I compliment someone, they think the only reason I’m complimenting them is to be kind. If I criticize someone, they feel like I don’t understand them and therefore clearly am mistaken in my constructive advice. There is always some level of perception. Commonly, I will more than likely view you differently than you view yourself. But when end comes to meet, we don’t put forth enough effort to view ourselves in realistic ways. We think “I’m ugly,” “I’m selflish,” etc., and usually the negative qualities we see are far to blatant in our own perceptions of ourselves and those perceptions diminish reality.
On the other hand, some of you are the most pretentious bastards I’ve ever had the misfortune of coming across, and needed to knocked off of your pedestal to be notified of such things.
Me: What time is it?
Me: What time is it?
Me: Is she a virgin?
Me: Probably not.
Me: What time is it?
floral patterns on mattresses that no one ever sees, books you’ve forgotten you have, tea that is cool enough as to not burn your tongue but hot enough that you can feel it all the way down your throat, the realization that sometimes it isn’t so bad being you.
(via ohcardigan)
